Family Support

Transgender people are arguably the least understood and most maligned of all minority groups. A fixed concept of gender is perhaps the most basic assumption in our culture and contradictions to that assumption are often extremely confronting. Sigmund Freud, observed in his writings in "Femininity":

When you meet a human being, the first distinction you make is male or female - and you are accustomed to make the distinction with unhesitating certainty."

Perhaps everyone will have at some time asked the question, "is that a boy or a girl", when they have been unable to make the distinction. Even when there is no direct interaction with the individual concerned there is often an irrational need to know the answer. Certainly it is the common first question asked of parents of a newborn baby.

Culturally then, there is enormous pressure for all individuals to adopt the expected gender behaviours associated with being male or female. What then are the implications for individuals whose sense of gender is contrary to their physical maleness or femaleness? Sadly there are many.

Before addressing these it might be useful to give some background on transgender-identity. A transgender person, according to the definition adopted by the N.S.W. Anti-Discrimination Board, is:

"anyone who lives, has lived, or wants to live as a member of the opposite gender (sex) to their birth sex."

According to medical models, in children, it is someone who:

• repeatedly states a desire to be, or insistence that s / he is, the other sex;
• preference for the clothing of the other sex;
• strong and persistent preferences for cross-sex roles in make believe play;
• intense desire to participate in the stereotypical games and pastimes of being the other sex;
• strong preference for playmates of the other sex.

Both definitions carry limitations.

The transgender community itself allows for a far more multi coloured umbrella definition that is inclusive of anyone who transgresses gender norms. However the "feminine" boy or the "masculine" girl are not providing guaranteed clues of transgenderism. A transgender child cannot always be readily identified by their behaviour. Indeed, it could well be the most masculine behaving, least likely boy on the block, is actually transgender. Because transgender children carry the same gender conditioning as others, their true feelings, and their own fear of them, will often be hidden under outwardly appropriate birth gender behaviour.

One of the most important and difficult tasks that parents face is how to best support their children while also setting the kind of boundaries and structure that help them grow up to become responsible and successful adults.

Gender identity and expression are central to the way we see ourselves and engage in the world around us. This is certainly true of transgender and gender- expansive children and teens, for whom fammily support is absolutly critical.

Studies show  that familial rejection can:

• lead transgender youth to engage in behaviors that put their health at risk,

• trigger depression and other mental health problems,

• and – in the worst of cases – result in homelessness or suicide.

Moreover, familial support can act as a buffer against bullying and bias outside the home. “It also protects against depression, substance abuse, and suicidal ideation and behaviors,” issues for which transgender youth are at disproportionate risk.

In other words, for some transgender youth, family support can be the difference between life and death.

• Always use the child’s preferred gender pronouns and preferred names.

• Be your child’s advocate – call out transphobia when you see it and ask that others respect your child’s identity.

• Educate yourself about the concerns facing transgender youth and adults.

• Encourage your child to stand up for themselves when it is safe to do so.

• Assure your child that they have your unconditional love and support.