180 Degree Turn Around

by Gail

(The Gender Centre advise that this article may not be current and as such certain content, including but not limited to persons, contact details and dates may not apply. Where legal authority or medical related matters are cited, responsibility lies with the reader to obtain the most current relevant legal authority and/or medical publication.)

The first week of January 1992 was a very traumatic week for me. My partner told me that she couldn't stand me any longer and our marriage was over. That afternoon I decided that life had ceased to have any meaning and went down to my garage to commit suicide. As I was about to open the garage door, I heard the little children who lived behind me, playing in their backyard - laughing, screaming and making eight year old noises. At that moment I realised what a very selfish, horrible thing I was about to do to my own children (11 and 19) and went back up to the house to think about the situation again. My decision then was to turn my life around 180 degrees and see what would happen.

For the first time in my life I learned what liking ones self was like. My children opted to live with me (it was up to them to decide) instead of their mother. I work in the University system teaching students workshop practice using wood, metal, welding etc. (I'm a toolmaker by trade) and I've received so much support from the people I work with, I now wonder why I waited so long to come to terms with my own feelings.

The beautiful thing is that I haven't lost any real friends. I've been a member of a car club for years (I love Plymouths!) and still go to meetings, rallies etc. My friends invite me to their homes for the normal suburban parties, barbecues etc., as my new persona with no "warnings" to their friends, so I am accepted as who I am by all and sundry.

My learning curve has been vertical - how to dress, what to dress in! I'm now 54 but my dress sense can vary 19 years to 40 years of age in one week. I've never dressed as a 50yo yet. Girlfriends, friends wives, neighbours, students I work with, have helped me with things like make-up, voice (it is deep), walking etc. I find that I have lost my aggressive, angry attitude to life that was always present in the past, and I am told by an N.R.M.A. service man that I can only be picked because I know too much about my 1968 American car! The one thing I've never done is hide the truth about myself. If someone is being suspicious, I'll just say "by the way, I'm a transgendered person" and keep talking as though it is the most natural thing in the world. Most people only take 5 minutes to acclimatize to the situation and everything is okay.

By the way, living in the heartlands of the north shore suburbia can be stressful at times - especially as I still shop at the same large complex I have been going to for the last 28 years.

Being a single parent means that social life is on weekends only, and as most of the Gender Centre's social life is weekdays and evenings, it is very difficult. If some things were held on weekends it would help.

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.