Counsellor's Page

by Gaye Stubbs

(The Gender Centre advise that this article may not be current and as such certain content, including but not limited to persons, contact details and dates may not apply. Where legal authority or medical related matters are cited, responsibility lies with the reader to obtain the most current relevant legal authority and/or medical publication.)

Alot has been said of late about the need to do things differently. Familiar ways of seeing and doing things are being questioned. At the same time, as if in preparation for the new and in order to understand what's happened so far, thoughts go back to the past.

Do you remember being told at family dinners, when the food wasn't to you liking, "Think of the starving children in ... (insert the country!)?

Embedded in this command or exclamation were a number of messages: a concern for nutrition, sustenance and growth, annoyance at the wasted time and effort put into the preparation of the meal, a lesson in the inequality of the unequal distribution of resources, and from the experience was gained an introduction to both relativism (by observing others at the table hoeing into the meal) and subjectivism (it tasted yuck!). At the same time though, a reminder about the starving was merely words, and at hand was the painful process of either chewing through the unsavoury substance on the unmoving plate (definitely no thought of asking for more) or else staring at it and sitting it out. It couldn't last forever.

Nowadays a different approach is probably taken at meal times, at least in some households: an alternative food might be offered and different messages conveyed. Old ways are discarded, replaced, but not necessarily, or easily, forgotten. Our memories give us the awareness, sometimes painful, of the difference between the now and the then. In the present, comfort can be gained in knowing that difficulties, more profound than a disliked dinner, were lived through and that other tough times can be endured. It can be helpful to share memories. So, if you feel like doing so, you could write, anonymously if you prefer, about your experience of difficulty and how you got through it - not to tell others what to do when doing it tough or experiencing unhappiness, but to give voice to your memory, and in validation of human resilience, a part of your part of the human story is shared.

By the way, the unsavoury substance, substances in fact, were, on their allotted nights, brains, stew, and tripe. What do you think, maybe not distasteful but tasty? Perhaps your experience of each food type has been different - brains or tripe prepared with a savoury sauce, or stew presented with a more appetising name or form - casserole maybe, even back then?

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.