Counsellor's Column

by Gaye Stubbs

(The Gender Centre advise that this article may not be current and as such certain content, including but not limited to persons, contact details and dates may not apply. Where legal authority or medical related matters are cited, responsibility lies with the reader to obtain the most current relevant legal authority and/or medical publication.)

For this issue of Polare, one of the major themes is Self and Identity. I hope to communicate what I understand of both - from counselling, from interactions, from questioning, observations and insights, from connections made, experience, from thought-provoking resources and from my own reflections - from myself.

Do you have the time or inclination to think about your self - your values, beliefs, hopes, ideas, experiences and memories, how your self is expressed, perceived and identified? It may be that its not easy to find the opportunity to think about your self. It can take a lifetime, but for a short while, I invite you to spend some time doing so.

It may be that there is no discord between self and identity and no problem with corresponding documentation. Self and identity are so bound up that we fear a loss of existence in society if robbed of our identity or not granted it.

Documentation announces or acknowledges who we are, what we've done, and what we are capable of doing and entitled to do as deemed by organisations, institutions and government departments, comprised of people functioning as gatekeepers of standards, which are established to protect individuals in society, the society itself, and in some cases the organisations they represent; assessments and decisions are made by people empowered to do so regarding our identity - which document is given to whom.

Our passports show we are citizens of a certain country, our certificates show our achievements in acquiring knowledge and skills and our licences show what we are eligible to do in society. The absence of documentation, of positions to fill and roles to define us - a lack of identity in fact - can have the effect of undermining self-esteem and challenging a person's sense of self; in effect, a person's very existence.

Meaning and purpose in life can be found in occupation; and occupation often goes hand in hand with our life roles (doctor, gardener, carer, mother, father, ...). So much of one's self and experience of life is defined by the roles we lead in family life, community and society: a role can confer an identity on a person by giving that person a title, a certain status, associated responsibilities, rights, security and protection; a person's identity can become synonymous with a particular role ("He's the President!"); and a person's identity and freedom of movement and expression can be restricted by a role.

We can strive to obtain and fulfil a role, thrive in a role, inhabit a role, be defined by a role, dislike roles that we find ourselves in or that are forced upon us, try to free ourselves from a role. While some roles we select may feel right for us (like a hand fitting snugly in a glove), others are thrust upon us - and an unwanted identity as well. Our biology and the community and society we are born into can pre-determine our identity and corresponding roles. When we are born our bodies are checked and an announcement is made "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!". Identification has begun and a role is assigned based on cultural assumptions and/or imperatives. If a baby's genitalia doesn't conform to that of "boy" or "girl" this initial and basic assumption of identity is not possible; but for a child, identified easily at birth, but who is later at odds with the "boy" or "girl" identification, there can be consternation, confusion and struggle ahead. If someone doesn't fit the existing identification and classification system, new terms can be created, such as "transgender" or "transsexual"; but these words lack an associated cultural identity in terms of a range of roles to adopt (as is the case with "girl / woman" or "boy / man"). Although on the surface this may afford a certain freedom, in order to function in society, to take up roles, a dilemma for "transsexual" people can be whether to disclose this truth about Self.

Assigning identity, wanted or unwanted, can be a simple process; self-actualisation can be so much more complex. The Self may become a good friend of Identity and they may go through life happily together. But if there's unease, disagreement between the two, what then? If someone feels I am other than me, which state of being wins the argument? Do they communicate and compromise? And what if the argument extends outside and others become involved? It might be that you are banging on the doors of the "Gatekeepers of Identification and Documentation" for proof of who you are or who you've come to be. In this situation your best ally may be your informed and self-aware self as well as your conviction. As individuals and as a society our consternation with the not usual and not expected, if we look into ourselves, may help us to understand and appreciate our own complexity and the complexity of life itself. Throughout a person's life, from the first breath of self with its various expressions, connections, manifestations and even transformations, until the last breath, this unravelling thread, is the nature and fabric of one's self. If the inner life and outer life find concord, harmony in life can be experienced. There may be struggle along the way but there may come a time when one can say, as someone once said, "I have become myself."

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.