Rest in Peace

by one of Stephanie's Friends

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The following eulogy was written by one of Stephanie's closest friends, one who had cared for her and supported her over a number of years, and who organised a memorial event for Stephanie on 15 June, 2007 after Stephanie's friends had been denied access to her funeral by her parents. The memorial was well attended, by close family members and friends, both recent and of long standing.

Stephanie was a wonderful caring and kind soul who suffered an incredible illness, a mental illness that permeated throughout her body, slowly debilitating it. An illness incubated by parental abuse and sealed by medical negligence.

Some would argue that her persona and changes in life had an effect on her demise - but that could not be further from the truth. When I met her, late in 2001, her life was in turmoil from marital separation and a long standing fight against a condition seen by primitive outsiders as freaky. But she was slowly waking up to find herself, a person trapped by the ebb and flow of a life that was not for her. From 2002 to 2005 I witnessed what she described as the happiest years of her life - finding herself and living as normal a life as possible. We had a lot of fun together, feeding ducks and fish at our local National Park, and visiting her favourite rock near the footbridge, on one occasion commenting on a lonely lost prawn swimming the dusky depths below the wharf. She had empathy for the lost and the lonely - it was the sort of person she was. She taught me a lot about technology and showed me the importance of recycling. We'd drive around the junk piles on clean up days and collect stuff that was repairable, selling it for a bit of extra cash or giving it to others. Many of her friends have appreciated a gift from Stephanie, be it a repaired monitor or computer or television. She was great with cars too - I am so hopeless with cars. She restored my car from near death a top a grassy knoll, and I cherish it today, ditching my Mercedes for something many years older but which drives and handles like a modern car. I will cherish it as long as I can maintain it. I sometimes sleep in my car at lunchtime. I can feel Stephanie's arms encircle me, knowing she has put her best effort into something I appreciate. And that is what she loved, being appreciated for who she was and the talents she possessed, yet unrecognised by her own parents and two sisters who are not here today, who had only offered taunts during her fragile life.

The discovery that her brother had suicided many years before tripped her over and before too long she was back to the medical "profession" seeking help and answers.

As Stephanie she was happy and settled. Despite this, several events combined to pull her down; marriage break-up legacies, the loss of her business, first being requested to take part time work, and then, part of her contract work removed without the manager telling her. The discrimination at her workplace was rife. Since her company was no longer financially viable, and depression took hold, she became withdrawn, unable to socialise in an acceptable manner. Childhood memories of abuse surfaced - the type of scars that remain all through life. Despite being the wonderful human being she always was, so-called "friends" rejected her, turned away from her, misunderstood her - people, many of whom were "victims of their upbringing", choosing instead to uphold their ingrained beliefs of what should narrowly be accepted in this world. What was worse, people formerly accepting her and then rejecting her out of hearsay. Fear breeds misinformation. People find it easier to believe misinformation, flawed tradition and comfortable, established lies.

Stephanie was a human being - with feelings, capable of loving and accepting love. This world; us, stomped on her - her petals falling off one by one. Life can be harsh for the ill-prepared, especially if ill-prepared from childhood.

The medical authorities could not manage her condition and she fell victim to a mental health system that is in disarray. Her primary doctor neglected to assign a backup doctor while he was away (as he travelled often). His happy-go-lucky attitude only served to make Stephanie more depressed. The constant changing of medication and E.C.T. (electro-convulsive therapy, also called shock treatment, a barbaric process) eventually damaged her synapses further.

On the 13th of May, when I found her unconscious from an overdose, she was rushed to Concord Hospital. We pleaded for her to move into a mental institution since, as soon as she became conscious, she declared she would "try it again". No one listened. The doctor at Concord released her and two weeks later, after accumulating prescribed medication, she took her life. She was not in her right state of mind and I believe she would be alive today had her medication been supervised, had she been in hospital, and had Ryde Mental Health Crisis team been more vigilant. She was desperate for answers, a quick solution.

Her death can be blamed on many reasons. But ultimately, the childhood abuse she carried all her life marred her quality of life and relationships with others. Lack of parental interaction was profound. In all the four years she lived with me, not one visit from her mother or father who reside in the next suburb.

Stephanie was and is in our hearts now, a bright, intelligent, caring person who carried a very deep scar. We have failed her. We have all failed her. It is easy to assign blame to a single entity, but we have been insensitive to the needs of a person who was clearly abused as a child, abused by a coward. Recently, the prank telephone calls Stephanie identified as coming from her father, and her doctor's inability to schedule her, culminated in extreme mental anguish, and Stephanie had nowhere to turn. Unsupervised administration of inappropriate medication ultimately put an end to her life.

I find it difficult to live without her in my life. But we must carry on; carry her memory for as long as we live. Put aside blame for the most part, although we are seeking an inquest. Justice must prevail.

From here on, let us remember her for the good person she was, and cherish that goodness in our hearts.

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