Negotiating Safe Sex

by Dee Yates

(The Gender Centre advise that this article may not be current and as such certain content, including but not limited to persons, contact details and dates may not apply. Where legal authority or medical related matters are cited, responsibility lies with the reader to obtain the most current relevant legal authority and/or medical publication.)

Have you ever been in that situation when Mr. Universe was about to mount your bones and suddenly he starts all this drama about you wanting to use a condom. Or perhaps there was that time when you were offered mega bucks for the delights of your body so long as you didn't produce one of those rubber things.

But darling, I'm too young to become a pregnant trannie!

Decisions, decisions!

How to deal with different sorts of situations will of course depend on the circumstance at the time but here are some tips that might be helpful when you are trying to get the bastard to use a condom and still earn a few dollars or even capture the man of your dreams. Of course this also applies if you are just after a good poke.

My personal, favourite reply to "no condom please" is "What planet have you just arrived from?" I'm not always known for my tactfulness.

What about the old line when he says; "If you really loved me, you wouldn't make me use a condom." You might try humour like, "But darling, I'm too young to be a pregnant trannie." Or you might say, "It's because of our love that I don't want to take any risks. I think we are too precious to each other for that"

If you don't really mean it, try very hard not to choke on the words as they flow forth from your mouth. Remember you can always revert to the direct approach: "Listen baby, if it's not on, it's not on." Of course there is always the problem: "If I insist on him using a condom, he might think I've got AIDS or he might think that I think he's got AIDS."

Not a great start to a new romance, I hear you thinking. First of all never take it for granted that he doesn't want to use a condom. There are a growing number of beasts out there who will be willing to use one and respect you for it. For those others I would be tempted to spell it out like this: "For all you know I might have been spreading myself around a bit" (Try fluttering the eyelashes), or try; "Darling, a spunky guy like you probably gets heaps. Darling let's face it there is no way of really knowing who's got what except of course that I'm sure you've got a whopper." How could the poor dear argue with that! Also your left breast might just happen to brush against his hand as you lean forward towards him with a slight sigh - if you are feeling really keen.

There are certain times when alarm bells ring loudly for me; when he says "I've never been with a tranny before" and you met him at the Taxi Club. Or when he says you're the only tranny he would ever bonk and the only one he thinks of as a real woman. When he wants to move in with you and you've only just met. Or when he comes around bearing gifts - flowers and hopefully diamonds.

Now, I can live with all of the above (especially the diamonds) and even the bullshit if it suits my purposes but I absolutely lose it when "Gentleman Jim" thinks that fabulous flattery and rings will get him into my ring or any other orifice without a condom.

If you really don't want him to take a walk then you may need to negotiate very carefully with this type of smoothie. You can play the game if you must and appear to be suitably impressed by his attentions making sure that you let him know that you are so impressed that there is no way you will introduce any element of risk into the passionate encounter you are planning for him.

With the possible exception of the diamond rings, I would be inclined to get to the point however and tell him to save the crap and just let him know that despite all of his bullshit I wanted his body anyway, with complimentary condoms included in the deal.

In this way you are getting what you want but on your terms. As for the diamond rings, I'd do my best but remember diamonds are not always a girls best friend. Oh my god, I've confessed and it's in print for all to see!

There will always be those times when you are feeling like shit and a little attention from a stud or two will seem to prop up your shattered self-image. Go for it sister! But bear in mind that if he doesn't even respect your wishes to use a condom you may not feel all that much better about yourself after the event.

So think about it. Sometimes it can feel even more fulfilling to say no than yes. Believe me, I've had some fulfilling experiences in my day! And there is always that football team over the rainbow who are willing to do it your way. I speak from experience.

Ooops!

I'm sure many of our readers will fondly remember Dee Yates who passed away in 1993. We found this article that she had written and felt it was perfect for this particular edition of Polare.

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.