Whispers From William Street

by Lamia

(The Gender Centre advise that this article may not be current and as such certain content, including but not limited to persons, contact details and dates may not apply. Where legal authority or medical related matters are cited, responsibility lies with the reader to obtain the most current relevant legal authority and/or medical publication.)

Iknew a friend who had once lived as a transsexual, I looked towards her for guidance to help me travel the path she had once taken in her prime. She proceeded to guide me on to William St in 1985. Which would eventually take me to my next and final level, Premier Lane.

My first experiences as a transsexual worker on the working scene had been to witness the humiliation of people screaming obscenities and threats as they passed by the glamour and glitter of William St. I was also about to receive an incredibly hostile response from the other girls because of being a new girl on the street. Sex work then became very confusing.

... I had started to ask questions about there being more to life than being out of it and cracking it in Premier Lane.

I then became acquainted with speed and artane and used them as an excuse to crack it and fit into the scene. Working smashed was the way to go but not always the answer to the cause. It wasn't very long before I became well and truly hooked on drugs.

My drug use had become a habit, and the priority was feeding it, sex with condoms was something I just didn't negotiate or insist on. Losing the plot is quite common among drug users like myself. I would often come back from a job unpaid.

This went on for eighteen months, in that time I had no sense of direction and did not find my true identity. My identity as a transsexual or even as a person had become lost in the lifestyle of drug use and sex working.

A feminist lesbian from New Zealand, found me one morning smashed in the gutter on Premier Lane, she took me home and made me realise a few things, that I could either continue here and eventually kill myself through the abusive lifestyle I led or get out. She offered me the opportunity to look after her Aunt's home up north to get away, on the agreement that I get my life together.

I had time to cleanse all the drugs out of my system and also to dabble in the deportment and catwalk modelling industry. Meanwhile life on the streets was still the same and what I didn't realise at the time was that a few of my friends I had made were angry and bitter because I'd up and left without reason and I had started to ask questions about there being more to life than being out of it and cracking it in Premier Lane.

Five years later when I came back to Sydney my friends that I had made on the street were a bit stand offish, it was then that I realised that they were still angry with me for taking off. It took me some time to get back into the sex working scene. I went back for the company, it sounds strange but, the company of old working buddies, the people who knew me and understood.

Back in 1985 there was only a little bit of information around on H.I.V. and sex work and none for trannies, I only really knew about it through boys at the wall and the contact they were having with the bus (Kirketon Road). Also my state of drug using was the thing that stopped everything else being important or even relevant.

It was like before I had no will or strength to change anything, I was so drug lucked and that was that. Things just happened to me and I could only let them keep happening.

The difference this time was that I was no longer willing to be a follower of other people or influences. I had decided to be a leader, a leader of my own destiny. So coming back I was in control of it as opposed to the other way around and I'd learnt a lot of things about risk, in all of its forms including controlled drug use and H.I.V. risks with both clients and partners you love.

Slipping back into the scene the second time around was a little better than the first time. I was mentally ready, only because of my past experiences. Which believe me makes all the difference! Work wise there was no change, everything in this department was still the same. What had changed was that I found most of my friends were also travelling down a different road from the last time I'd seen them. Those who were anti drugs were now right into it. That spun me out, but the shoe is on the other foot now. It was a shock to see those who used to warn me about drug use were now users themselves.

I had lots of questions. Not only about how my life was going but what was also happening for those people around me. I myself had indulged in these same activities and could see only too well the changes in my friends and the bad buzz they were on. I will never forget my own buzz from Miss Prim and Proper to dirty low down drug flicked queen. I'd become like so many other people I knew.

One of the biggest questions for me was the differences between indulging and binging with drugs. This was very interesting, I found there was no difference. I was definitely asking the wrong question. The question was about control. I found I could not control drugs and I was an idiot to try because drugs are uncontrollable and will always be here and they will always be available. I realised it's not the drug that needs controlling but yourself.

Now that is a task in itself! I have worked on my own self control of drugs. I took risks just like the rest of my friends. Work wise it became apparent that being drug fucked meant not looking after myself around S.T.D.'s and H.I.V.. Because nothing else matters, who cares when you're out of it? As long as you're getting what you want nothing else really matters. The problem being that what I wanted was focused on the immediate, here and now with no thought to the future, in terms of my health and sense of worth.

Speaking from my own point of view this is important information for all of us whether we're sex working, drug using or not, H.I.V. affects us all - the risks we take!

It's been around for some time now and we're all aware, but we don't all practice what we know and I often wonder why that is. At that time of my life I just didn't care. Now I do, I've become more aware of how real the risks are and this includes sharing a fit as well. Which I would quite commonly do with friends, I used to think what the hell, it's no big deal - but it is! It's the rest of my life.

We are only in this life time together once, in the next it takes so long to find each other if ever. I would like for my friends to read what I have to say and if any of them do they'll know who they are I hope through reading my brief message. They'll understand what I'm saying. See the light and what's in and around it before it goes out. Care for yourselves, you deserve it.

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.