But how do I tell my Parents, Workmates, Friends?

by Katherine Cummings, Robin Goldstein & Jacob Hale

(The Gender Centre advise that this article may not be current and as such certain content, including but not limited to persons, contact details and dates may not apply. Where legal authority or medical related matters are cited, responsibility lies with the reader to obtain the most current relevant legal authority and/or medical publication.)

This continues the series of "coming out" letters which I started in Polare 64. The first letters I included were those of Robin Goldstein, a dear friend of mine with whom I had lost touch. Fortuitously she made contact with me shortly after Polare 64 was published. At the end of her piece in 64 I gave my latest information on her, that she had gone back to living as a man although she still categorized herself as "a straight, white, Buddhist, vegetarian, lesbian, fraternity boy, trapped in the body of a recovering transsexual woman patent attorney, with a bizarre sense of humour and a master's degree in city planning." You may be pleased to know, as I was, that her bizarre sense of humour has caused her to backtrack forward to living as female once more.

The sample letter for this issue originated with Jacob Hale, an MtF who was working as an academic at a university in Los Angeles. I had the good fortune to meet Jacob (or as I called him, Kodiak Jake) when I was visiting friends in San Diego. Like most MtF's he was absolutely masculine, a charming, witty companion and it was totally impossible to detect any female quality which he might one have known. His letter was mainly for the benefit of his working colleagues, academics and administrators of the university.

Jacob wrote that this went to all the faculty in my department and to the department secretaries, with copies to the dean, associate dean, and the M.T.F. colleague mentioned in the letter. A shorter, more formal letter went to the provost.

Dear Professor X:

I am writing to inform you that I am in the process of transitioning from female to male. I will begin teaching under my new name, "Jacob Hale", at the beginning of Fall 1995. The legal change of my name and sex status, in accordance with the laws of the State of California, will occur between the end of Summer Session 1 and Fall 1995.

This transition is both deadly serious and extraordinarily joyous for me. I have been struggling with gender pain for as long as I can remember. Never had I felt the profound sense of peace which I felt that morning when I awoke knowing that I was on the verge of transitioning into manhood. Although I have had moments of worry and fear since that morning, these worries and fears have been about possible problems others might cause me. That feeling of peacefulness at my core has stayed with me. For the first time in my life, I am at peace with myself.

You will, no doubt, notice a number of physical and behavioural changes in me over the next few months.

Please be assured that I am entirely healthy and that these changes are necessary for my well-being. I realize that my transition will require some adjustments on your part, as well as on mine. For example, I am sure it will take a while for all of you to become accustomed to calling me "Jacob" or "Jake," and to using masculine pronouns to refer to me. I won't be a stickler about this but I do expect you to make an effort and, over time, to succeed. If you're more comfortable starting to call me "Jacob" or "Jake" now, that's fine; or, if you're more comfortable waiting until the start of Fall 1995, that's fine too. I anticipate that both names will be used for a while.

There is nothing confidential or secret, in any way whatsoever, about this information.

If you have any questions about this that I might be able to answer, I sincerely hope you will feel free to ask me. I feel quite comfortable talking about my transition, and would much prefer talking with you than having misconceptions exist due to lack of knowledge about transsexualism, particularly about female-to-male transsexualism. Two other people you may contact for more information are my therapist G** B****** and **** ******** who transitioned male to female as an Associate Professor in the Department of ******** at California State, Northridge.

I have already spoken with Dean Jorge Garcia, Acting Associate Dean Donald Hall, and Professor Daniel Sedey, Chair of the Department of Philosophy, about how to ensure that my transition will cause the least disruption possible at work. All three have been extremely helpful and supportive, which I appreciate deeply. I will continue to work with them on this. If any of you have any suggestions about this, I would appreciate hearing them. However, I'm sure that my newly found sense of internal peace, my comfort with myself, cannot help but enable me to become an even more effective teacher, scholar, and participant in the California State, Northridge, community. I would have liked to have written individual letters to each of you, but clearly this is impractical. Still, please accept my apology for this somewhat mechanical form of communication, and please, as I said before, feel free to talk with me about this.

Sincerely,
(girl-name deleted), Associate Professor

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