The Run of the Tide

by Gina Dumas

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Something is on the move, in the tide of public opinion that sweeps the sands of our unusual lives. There is a subtle but definite relaxing of the tension between our community and that most public animal "opinion". I suppose that we have a unique vantage point from which to view the stew of society as it twists and turns, and finds that it must always change, in response to the heat under the pot.

The heat under society's pot is the relentless march of knowledge. The willfully ignorant in our society have had their high tide and I sense that the ebb tide will be ours.

Rachael Wallbank was correct in surmising the imminent rise of people in the "T" community who would be proud to be in public ownership of their trans-sexed realities, and to give a clear voice to the socio-biological tragedy that is occurring right under society's nose.

People respect courage and the increasing visibility of articulate members of our community is creating a more compassionate curiosity towards us, and more spaces in which we may be heard. I have always found curiosity to be a very handy tool, if it is taken advantage of in a sensible way. It is of no use provoking curiosity unless you are willing to answer the questions that inevitably flow from such deliberate self-exposure.

I thought that the recent television coverage of golfer Mianne Bagger and her sensible invitation to her fellow golfers to ask her questions was a perfect example of how to go about this "public ownership of her trans-sex realities".

I joined Rachaels' predicted rise of "T" proud people, more or less by falling into an available hole.

Starting a support service was something that I had always intended to do when my own life settled down a bit but it happened sooner than that. I had had this little gremlin sitting on my shoulder all of my life (well at least from my teen years) and the conviction that no-one should have to make that journey alone.

The Blue Mountains and West Sydney support group was ignited by the loneliness of one young girl, one of ours.

Much of the work has turned out to be in suicide counselling but it's not always like that, many good friends and many opportunities to be involved in the broader community have come into my life. My traveling office, (handbag to the onlookers) grows ever more happily laden with the contacts of other "T" people, many of whom are catching the "out there and at it bug". Among the many things to be attended to is a name for the group. I think that "47 T-West" is a likely candidate, combining as it does the telephone area code with direction and purpose. A social group will be a desirable addition to the group, and I am able to see only one way of bringing this into being.

What is envisaged to serve the group's purpose is a structure like an old fashioned wagon wheel, with friends connected along the rim, and with each of those persons connected by a spoke to the centre, where help may be accessed as need arises. The social activities will develop along the rim as friendships develop.

Much of our call work has occurred out of hours, and I suppose this is logical, as people in trouble often fall into the pit as day gives way to night, and time to brood. We have deliberately restricted our contact mode to the telephone, the computer is too impersonal and one gets little opportunity to gauge the temperature of a situation without voice contact.

Our network of contacts already stretches across the State. We offer a service that serves the persistent requests "I need a long talk to a post-op person, why don't they talk to us?" "Why don't they turn around and help us?" "Could I ask you some personal questions?" Well, the answer is "Yes" on all counts" provided that the answer will not identify or locate another person without their express permission.

Our little service is reaching out, and being offered public speaking engagements in return. To date we have spoken at the Catholic Church's Humanita Conference, P.F.L.A.G. meetings and recently at a Centrelink conference.

The idea was put to Centrelink that they might consider forming support teams from some of their disabilities clients, not all of ours would relish the role, but the possibilities for those that would could be extensive.

A senior Centrelink speaker acknowledged that the eyes of those involved in attempting to counter Australia's youth suicide problem need to be turned towards the loneliness and isolation of young people with sex, gender, and sexuality problems. We need to develop this shifting awareness of Centrelink's potential.

Whenever we speak to the personnel of any organisation we try to send them home with something to talk about. This is not hard to do. If you are able to reach straight into the comfort zone, of each of your audience, and shatter it, that gets the, questions flowing. It has been the experience of those involved in this support group, that the more open we have been, the greater the ease with which our local community has been able to listen, watch and accept our realities.

You will notice the shift to the personal here, for the core of the group has been a married couple, Barbara and myself.

We know of five other couples whose marriages have survived the full journey, where one or other of the spouses is transsexed.

We welcome contact with other couples who may be in need of support to keep their family together.

The St Vincent De Paul Society has offered our support group valuable help along the way, and made possible much of the work we do. Our photocopying costs for mail outs to families and individuals was becoming prohibitive, they took this over for us among other things. We were delighted when Barbara and I were invited to rejoin the society and participate in all the activities that members of the society undertake.

Who would have dreamt ten years ago, that a couple such as we are, could resume a life that includes all of our pre-change involvement in the community, that shopkeepers would come out of their shops and say "Hey, we saw that show on telly last night, do you think you might answer a question for us" but this is what our town is like. From a population of 15,000, we could count on fewer than the fingers of one hand the number of people who have been negative towards us.

In many ways it has been our town that has showed us how quickly the tide is turning.

We are currently seeking a sponsor for a printing job, we need just under $4,000 to complete a reprint of that excellent little book "Mom I Need To Be A Girl" (we have the author's permission).

The managing director of the printing firm came out of his office to deal directly with us, he had read the proof copy when we first had a reprint. His comment, "that is a thoroughly interesting little book". The comment from one bleary eyed leader of a Catholic teaching order who had sat up all night reading it "I am stunned, I had no idea".

We have plans for this little book.

Our support efforts are centered naturally enough in the interests of the Transsexed-Intersexed communities, for it is here that our experience is best able to be shared, but we take you as you are and do our best.

It would be easy to just blend into the community, and pretend that I have no debts to those who showed me the way out into the sunshine of my own life. But then, I have that gremlin on my shoulder, that refuses to be dusted off "do you remember yesterday, when you were a teenager" it whispers "don't just leave them to it" "don't waste what you have learned" "sail with the tide girl".

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.