Book Review

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Hidden In Plain Sight

by Leslie Townsend
Published by Wrighters Club Press
I.S.B.N. 978-0595237821

Years ago, Pat Califia covered transsexual autobiographies in Sex Changes. She made a good case for the evolution of the autobiographical form from a straight lineal approach, ("then I went here and there ...) to other books she saw as being both different in style and heavier on issues.

Then last year came Second Skins, a deeply academic book that suggests strongly that our autobiographies, as our lives, were shaped by the stories we were required to formulate in order to satisfy the gatekeepers. Posner's point is that we are all forced to formulate our pasts to satisfy the Clinic in one way or another and that this formulation also takes over when we venture forth in print.

I wanted to read Leslie Townsend's autobiography when I read about it on the "T.S. Roadmap" website. I was interested in finding out about another side of transsexuality, the side we all know exists and rarely talk about - those who turn to prostitution to fund their operations. As a secondary, I am far from this group, as most of us are, yet I know that on a statistical basis, we who inhabit the Internet are in the minority. We are mostly secondaries, with past lives that we carry around with us and no hope of truly passing. What would it be like to be a primary, starting hormones at an early age, yet lacking the resources to pay for the operation?

Leslie Townsend answers this question. There is no doubt that her autobiography is lineal; it proceeds along the path of her life with a steady rhythm. This is not an academic piece that is difficult to understand. It is written in a clear prose with a hard edge to the comments as she passes from one town to the next. Nor does it parrot the "clinic line" that others tend to resort to so often.

Leaving home at nineteen to pursue her dreams Leslie goes to Florida, then New Orleans, then New York, in a quest for hormones and medical services. She is still in her late teens and, to judge by the pictures included, a very passable transsexual woman. Take that back - she is gorgeous and I would kill to look half as good as she does. In this journey she helps us explore the underside of transsexuality, the girls who cannot afford the treatments and doctors.

Unlike many of her sisters (at least, so it seems to me), Leslie has but one goal to which everything is sacrificed - the operation.

She arrives in Trinidad when she is only twenty-three, after earlier operations for breasts and throat.

Now she is a woman The world of prostitution and sleazy bars is left behind - or is it? She strikes out as a model and does well, but not well enough and she tries secretarial work, but still has to augment her income. What impressed me most here was not what she did, but how she felt.

With every fibre of being directed to having S.R.S., the let down leaves her looking around for a new purpose, a feeling I have known several times. After my S.R.S., I seemed to lack a goal, the drive had been so strong to arrive at the surgeon's door.

She moves, not once, but several times. She experiences the womanly fears of being stalked and of attempted rape. One thing she finds she cannot do, she cannot let the world know "what" she is, a transsexual woman. She is in deep stealth except for her family and one or two others. And when she tells one boyfriend, he leaves her ...

Now, I want you to think about this ... this woman passes in ways that make your head spin. Yet stealth comes at a price, the inability to fully share life with others, especially one important other. She seeks affirmation in the sex trade which, as we all know, is one route to employment open to all. But with Leslie and her wonderful appearance she is wanted not because of being a transsexual woman, but as a woman. Is there one of us who has not dreamed of that? Or preened ourselves for nights after an indecent suggestion? I think not, for somehow male attention, even if for the purpose of sex, is something we all crave in one degree or another. On the few occasions when I have been approached, I did not accept, but inside a part of me glowed.

Finally, she grew "The energy it took to hide my past always weakened any attempts to become a whole person with the strength and conviction to live free of fear", she states. In denying her history in an attempt to fit in, she had joined the society that discriminated against her.

I truly enjoyed this book. It was interesting, never dull and offered me a glimpse inside the life of a primary - something far removed from my secondary status. I, for one, can cut down on the number of times I gaze at a picture and say "I wish", for I now know that the other road has many faults too. And in a way it was affirming. If I look at the other field and say that it is greener, maybe someone else is looking at me and my situation and thinking the same thing

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.