Manager's Report

by Elizabeth Riley

(The Gender Centre advise that this article may not be current and as such certain content, including but not limited to persons, contact details and dates may not apply. Where legal authority or medical related matters are cited, responsibility lies with the reader to obtain the most current relevant legal authority and/or medical publication.)

In the last edition of Polare I ventured into a discussion on the process of transition with the intention of looking at why some people manage their post transition more comfortably than others. I ran out of room in that edition and only managed to touch on the transition period itself. I did make the comment that 'passing' was not significant in achieving a successful outcome and I would like to resume by attempting to identify some of the characteristics that do seem to play a vital role.

To begin with it is probably necessary to try to define what a 'successful outcome' might mean. For most of us I think it probably means that in the main we are accepted in the wider community as the sex with which we identify and that we are treated with respect and dignity regardless of whether our transsexual history is known or not. So why does this apply to some members of the community and not others?

No doubt there are a multitude of reasons and all of them are complex. Nonetheless it may be a useful exercise to try and unravel them. Lets begin with attitude because this is probably the umbrella characteristic under which all other characteristics can be grouped. The Oxford Dictionary defines 'attitude' as 1a, a settled opinion or way of thinking. b, behaviour reflects this. In other words how we see ourselves, how we see others, how we view the world, what our values and beliefs are and the opinions we form determine our attitude and our attitude plays a role in determining how others see us.

How then does attitude translate into the real life experience of transgender people? For those achieving a successful outcome what we might generally see reflected in their attitude is:

• a positive approach to life, which may include employment, active participation in social and community activities, setting goals and working towards their achievement, establishing stable and reciprocal relationships with other people and generally getting on with life:
• values and opinions that are perceived to be fair and just, which may include views on politics, religion, spirituality, the environment, social justice, human rights and so on:
• a strong sense of self that is respectful and accepting. This is a two way street involving respect and acceptance for others. It is a fundamental truth that if you treat people the way you would like to be treated you are more likely to be treated the way you would like.
• responsibility, taking responsibility for your own actions.
• self confidence, this is partly about never apologising for who you are and indeed about having a sense of pride in who you are. We often fall into the trap of assuming that our life experience as a transsexual separates us from the rest of the population. That we are enduring this enormously challenging, life changing event and everyone else is okay, Not so! Being alive is enormously challenging. Very few people are totally okay. Everyone has baggage. The baggage may be different but baggage is baggage. Yours is every bit as good, or bad, as theirs. If they don't apologise to you for theirs, why should you apologise to them for yours? Be proud of your journey. You have done the hard work and you have earned the right.
• I recently read a magazine interview with a drag queen and she quipped about a book she is writing which is titled, "I'm okay, but you need to pull yourself together". I don't suppose it will ever get into print but it is worth reflecting on the title.

Having expounded on some of the characteristics that lead to a successful outcome, and I concede there are many, many more, is it fair to suggest that it is the absence of some of these characteristics that lave others in the community struggling to come to terms with life after transition? In part perhaps. But there is no formula that can be simply applied to guarantee success. Certainly there are lots of people in the world whom we would describe as successful that do not possess all these kinds of qualities though most would probably possess plenty of self-confidence. Certainly there are people who may be liked but not respected, or respected but not liked and so on. Nothing is simple in the complex world of being human.

But this much is certain. We have a substantial degree of control over our own destiny. If we are not enjoying the same acceptance in society as some other transgender people we can find out why and try to do something to improve things for ourselves. If we suffer from low self-esteem we can work to overcome that, if we are lacking in confidence we can do something about it, if we don't know much about what is going on in the world we can become informed, if we don't have views or opinions we can develop these, if we don't have a job there may be other ways we can harness our talents to generate an income. It may not be easy but it can be achieved. We have choices in our lives. We can choose to make excuses or we can change what isn't working for us. If we choose excuses then it is a sad reality that in twelve months time we will still be in the same place as we are today. If we choose change, who knows what exciting possibilities that may lead us to?

And if you do seem to constantly meet with negativity or discrimination it may be important to ask yourself why. Now I am not suggesting that anybody does this but by way of illustration it is worth recognising that; if you fart loudly in public, if you are cruel to animals, if your life is a litany of complaints, if your favourite topic of conversation is yourself and if everything that ever happened to you is someone else's fault then the chances are people will not think too highly of you. If you fall into the latter category don't assume that you are not well liked because you are transgender. You are probably not well liked because of all the other things you are doing. Being transgender is incidental.

I am not saying that being transgender is not a factor in the negative treatment that we may receive from some in the wider community but it is important to look at all the factors. It is my firm conviction that the vast majority of people don't really care whether you are transgender or not. They have enough to occupy them in their own lives without dedicating energy to being nasty to us. We may draw their curiosity, but any difference is going to generate curiosity and gender difference is no exception. Nobody notices a Falcon driving by, but a Ferrari gets everyone's attention. Greet curiosity with a smile and think of yourself as a Ferrari.

As for that small and usually incredibly insecure minority that are out to give us a hard time, we provide a nice scapegoat for them to project all their own inadequacies and failings onto. They seek to affirm their own value in the world at our expense. They are tragic cases and we might well treat them with some compassion. However, we are under no obligation to notice them. They are best ignored. A useful personal affirmation for deflecting these people's reactions to you is to simply say to yourself 'what other people think of me is none of my business'.

Above all, be yourself and maintain your dignity.

If community members would like to express views on this or any other topic please send your contributions in to Katherine. We would love to hear from you.

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.