Reflections 2001: A Gender Odyssey

by Madeline, Denise & Dennis

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I just can't believe it:

Has it really been two years since the last Agenda New Zealand Conference? So much has happened since 1999. My wife Madeline and I left South Australia and a flying job in 2000 and moved to the Gold Coast, Queensland. Our three children have made their own way in the world, Tracy lives in Auckland, New Zealand, Ivan in London, United Kingdom, and Michelle, our youngest lives in Sydney, Australia. We are just so proud of our special children. Finding work on the Gold Coast has been difficult, so in the latter part of 2000 Madeline and I founded our personal empowerment and image consultancy, support service business called "Cross dressing With Dignity" which is tailored exclusively for the transgender community. The positive feedback from our clients has been nothing short of amazing, but that is another story.

The chance to see New Zealand, our friends and family again, coupled with another conference was just too good an opportunity to pass up. Our travel documents complete, tickets and accommodation booked and with nearly 60kg of luggage we boarded the Qantas flight out of Brisbane on Wednesday May 30. I might just add at this point that Dennis packed one pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a jacket, the remaining luggage belonged to Madeline and Denise (spoilt bitches).

In the two or three weeks prior to the conference taking place we were liaising with John Penny (Female to Male) and Janet and Claudia McKay, the conference organisers. There was a possibility of our providing input for the two workshops run by John for his F.T.M. people. We were asked because I balance out being equally happy with either of my chosen gender expressions. I am happy and proud to be Dennis or Denise, although I need the freedom and validation to choose. After finding Denise I needed to find both my masculine and feminine energies to feel complete. We must all learn to love and honour our wholeness. We were excited and thrilled with the prospect of working with John. Dennis and John had long trans-Tasman conversations on how to be more of an average bloke, which is quite ironic because I am not too sure what an average New Zealander or Aussie bloke is. Dennis did his best and John seemed happy to put up with my babble.

The arrival at the hotel, check in and the first night were uneventful. We met John for lunch on a glorious sunny and calm Wellington day and John explained how his workshops would operate.

The Friday night opening was enjoyed by all but understandably some people were a little reserved despite the chance to catch up with some old friends and make some new ones. The first of many late nights, for somehow Saturday dawned so quickly. While Madeline facilitated the workshop "A discussion time for partners of cross-dressers", I rather nervously headed for the Cornish suite to help John with his workshop, "On being a man for the FtM's". What had I let myself in for?! Calm charismatic John soon had us all at ease and soon Alan, Andre, Cia, Peri, John and I were swapping jokes and our personal stories. When it was my turn I became quite emotional and it wasn't long before I unashamedly began to cry. So much for the average macho bloke I was trying to portray. We covered a lot of ground, we pulled a lot of myths to pieces and broke down a lot of barriers. I think the guys taught me more than I could teach them about being strong and "blokie". They have all faced many challenges, overcome many hurdles against tremendous odds and survived. I don't think the average bloke would have had the tenacity to do what these guys have achieved.

After lunch we enjoyed the guest speakers, Peter Wherrett, television presenter and author (cross-dresser), Mani Mitchell, Therapist and Counsellor, Susan Robby, one life after surgery (M.T.F.), Georgina Beyer, M.P. ("doing time in politics") M.T.F., to name only a few. Thank you all!

Some time in the afternoon, Dennis became Denise. Denise enjoyed the pre-dinner drinks (medicinal, of course) to calm her shattered nerves. The dinner and conversation which followed were both enjoyable and stimulating.

John had asked Madeline for her input with the Sunday afternoon workshop "Gaining social skills for F.T.M., from a woman's perspective". Directly after this Madeline and Denise were facilitating their own workshop "Personal presentation, grooming and the myth of passing for cross-dressers". Denise was also asked along to John's workshop and since we all knew each other better the group settled down to some in-depth genuine conversation. Madeline and I work well together to bring out the best in people and we are honest and open. Madeline has an uncanny ability to ask sensitive and personal questions of people in an innocent and non-judgemental way. She gives people the validation to be themselves and to put them at ease, and seems to bring their very soul to the surface, teaching them to listen to their inner child and the confidence to explore this new-found information. We all discussed things that afternoon at a deep personal level that might not have been possible in another situation.

Being transgender is difficult in itself but if you also come from a dysfunctional family background it is hard to acquire the confidence of social interactive skills we all need to blend in and prosper in today's society. I think we underestimate and limit ourselves too much. You could feel the positive energy flowing on that Sunday afternoon in Wellington.

From victims we became warriors, We laughed and we cried. We all came to realise, regardless of our background or anatomy in our hearts we are all the same. We are all connected. We give each other the strength and validation to be fearlessly proud individuals.

Our presentation in the afternoon was well attended and we hope people were able to take the message on board, especially "the myth of passing" (material for a future article in itself). On Sunday night the fashion parade took place. Denise being two years older and a couple of kilos heavier conceded defeat and let the younger girls strut their stuff. Escorted out on the catwalk by very dashing looking guys the contestants all looked stunning. In all six people made the trip across the Tasman from Queensland and two of them, Kathy and Juanita, won prizes that night. Go, Australia, but when are we going to organise our own Transgender Conference?

The last day of the conference, came around all too quickly We had all achieved and grown so much and we said goodbye to our friends with important networking contacts in place.

Summing Up

Thank you Janet and Claudia! I know at the end of the conference you were exhausted but without you Agenda 2001 would not have taken place.

For us, the hindsight of the conference was working with F.T.M.'s. You are such special people and we wish you every success, especially Peri and his partner Karen who are to be married in March 2002.

The greatest prize of all is the awareness and acceptance of one's "true self". Worship your uniqueness.

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.