A Male Point of View

by Jamie B & Tony

(The Gender Centre advise that this article may not be current and as such certain content, including but not limited to persons, contact details and dates may not apply. Where legal authority or medical related matters are cited, responsibility lies with the reader to obtain the most current relevant legal authority and/or medical publication.)

In my chats and discussions with other transgender men, the one topic which seems to always come up sooner or later, is what to use when filling that gap? You know which one. That open breezeway we (as transgender men) seem to be cursed with. It is very difficult to feel the tiniest bit manly when an inquiring person (of either gender) gives our pouches a little squeeze (to let us know they are interested) and then stands back in open-mouthed shock when nothing "interesting" can be found. Many of us, at one point or another, have found ourselves in this humiliating position.

When this problem became an issue for me, I tried various methods in an effort to give myself the manly profile I craved so much. I started with a small dress sock, rolled up and pinned to the inside of my jocks. I quickly realised that this method was neither realistic nor was it particularly comfortable. In fact, it was downright painful, especially when the pin opened itself, which it seemed to do at the worst possible moments. It is fairly simple to find a toilet in a crowded nightclub but to find one in the Queen Street Mall is another matter altogether. It also made me a candidate for the Ministry of Silly Walks!

My next crotch filler was the use of a substance known in Queensland as "slime". I found it couldn't be purchased here for love or money. I was devastated! However, on a trip to Sydney, I found a similar substance going under the name of "dinosaur gel". I discovered it to be bright fluro green and felt particularly disgusting to touch (which is probably why the kids love it). I tried several experiments before settling on the gel inside one condom inside another. This was to stop any accidental breakages. The gel is almost impossible to get out of your pubic hair once it finds its way there, whatever the method. I rapidly made the painful discovery that a gel-filled condom jiggling around inside your pants has a few problems. The latex catches on your pubic hair and can pull it completely out if you move. There is also a build up of heat which can break you out in a heat rash that brings tears to your eyes. Popping the condom inside a cloth bag solves the hair ­pulling problem but not the heat. I quickly became tired of constant heat rash and tossed the whole lot into a drawer with my sock.

So what have I learnt from all of my experiences? Yes, it would be nice to stand at the urinal like the other guys but my life wouldn't end if I can't. And yes it would be lovely to have a great bulge to show off to other men but they won't think any less of me without one. As for sex, well other parts of me are far more talented (with lots more stamina) than any dick I can think of. What I had first thought of as a need to have a dick (therefore making me a man) is really nothing more than a want. And we don't always get what we want. My gender is not made from a bulge in my pants, it is made from what is between my ears and from the way I behave. Being a "self-made" man means I can make myself into the sort of man I can be proud of and not ruled by my genitals. I am man-conscious not dick-conscious. It makes me a better person, I think.

Boys In Prison

My name is Tony, I am thirty three years old and have been a female to male (F.T.M.) transgender person for seven years. I am currently on remand at Mulawa Women's Detention Centre. Being an F.T.M. tranny in the prison system makes it very hard for people to relate to me. The knowledge they have of trannies is of being male to female, never having thought at all about F.T.M.s.

The system has no understanding of F.T.M.s. Speaking for my own life, it has been very hard for me. In here people look at me as a freak and some inmates look at me as the closest thing to male that they can sexually identify with. It gets a bit much to handle sometimes, but I cope.

As far as the police and courts are concerned I belong at Long Bay Prison for men, not giving a damn about the dangers. There is no special treatment for F.T.M.'s.

When I talk to professional people, they have no idea where to start and no knowledge of what you are. We had a "link up" day back in September where I got the chance to meet up with the Outreach Worker from the Gender Centre. We haven't had much of a chance to talk, but just knowing she is there for me and other F.T.M.s is reassuring. It's about time we got this kind of support.

When I first started out my life was hell. There was no one there to support me through my surgery and the outcome emotionally was heartbreaking. Now we have the Gender Centre for support, their magazine Polare and the Boys Will Be Boys newsletter. F.T.M.s now have somewhere to turn, things have come a long way in seven years.

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.