My Story

What Being Female Means

by Caitlin

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What being female means. What is it to be? I must admit that I have spent more time over the past few months trying to work out "what it is to be male". I have found this necessary to clarify in my own mind, which elements of my behaviour are learnt and which are me! I don't feel that I am knowledgeable enough to speculate from the female perspective, as I have only been viewing it in an ever clearing fashion for the past 12-18 months.

But is interesting which elements of my behaviour have changed to conform to a social standards and which elements have changed due to the release from other social standards.

I can cry now. I can admit weakness and the acceptance of some lacking skills that previously were integral to the social acceptance of "Him" (especially sexual conquests where it was always assumed I was a poof because I didn't try to bed woman in the first 15 seconds!) I can touch people, especially other women, in ways to express empathy, affection, understanding without the assumption that I am trying to pick them up!

I listen to my heart, my intuition if you will, and no longer feel reliant on logic as the primary, if only form of sense. I don't always blame myself for problems or failures. This may just have been an indication of the dislike I had for myself.

I feel much less self centered, although I feel very centered in myself! i.e. I perceive other perspectives more easily and find myself thinking about myself less. (Mind you, transition is not the time to not think about ourselves!). So now, I think more about myself than of myself.

I can allow people to love me. I can allow them to touch me, both physically and emotionally.

A bunch of thoughts.

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