My Story

Family Love

by norrie mAy welby

(The Gender Centre advise that this article may not be current and as such certain content, including but not limited to persons, contact details and dates may not apply. Where legal authority or medical related matters are cited, responsibility lies with the reader to obtain the most current relevant legal authority and/or medical publication.)

I visited Melbourne earlier this year, and decided to pop in on my aunt and cousins while I was there. I hadn't seen them in over twenty years, since I was a little boy (and yes, whatever my gender is now, I was a little boy then. I checked this often enough with the little boy who lived next door. But I digress).

I rang them and introduced myself as "Norrie, Marion's child. You knew me as Bruce." On my way to visit them, I realised that they had no idea what to expect of me gender wise. I was dressed in bright multi-coloured androgynous fashion, as was my wont, devoid of gender signifiers. They may have been homophobic for all I knew. Oh well, they can take me as they find me, I thought.

I was actually given a very warm welcome, arriving during the weekly gathering of the extended family, and being greeted by my aunt, uncle and my cousins and their partners and children. I hadn't seen my cousin Helen since I'd gotten into trouble for playing with her doll when I was four. I was able to talk about transgender issues when they asked about my work. (I was temping for the Gender Centre, and had an acting job as a transgender character). I talked about my understanding of sex and gender in a broad societal sense, and continued this discussion late into the night with my aunt Jean and cousin Diane and her partner. I accepted Jean's invitation to sleep in their guest room that night.

I was given a fond farewell the next morning, still not sure if they thought I was Arthur or Martha, but comfortable that this was not an issue for them.

About a month later, I rang Jean to get my cousin's address and to thank them for their hospitality. (I note my tendency to refer to my family collectively, but that's the way they often work.) She mentioned that the family had seen my appearance on Sex/Life, and congratulated me on my presentation. I was a little thrown out that they could so easily accept me being known on national television as a transgender prostitute. "Family is family", said Jean, "You are the way you are and that's that." It turned out she'd known about my changing gender since my uncle had mentioned it to her years ago (back when I identified my gender as exclusively female). I was surprised at this acceptance, for their background is simple working class Protestant, non-university education intellectual liberal. But to them, and to almost all of my relatives, family is about acceptance.

Thank Goddess for this too, for I hadn't thought through the possible consequences of the television appearance. My father hadn't known I was a prostitute till this was revealed on Sex/Life. "I hope this was a while ago", he said. It seems he can deal with it better if it's past tense. Nevertheless, I realised that even when they might disapprove of what I do, rejecting me is not an option they even consider.

My parents even tried hard to always use feminine pronouns when I thought this was important to me. And because we've stayed close, I've been able to discuss with them my evolving views of gender, sex and society. I've talked with my parents about where they don't fit rigid gender roles, discussed gender fluidity, and how my own identity has changed in light of this. Now that my identity is spansexual, my family sometimes calls me he, sometimes she, and that's the way I like it.

I know of many transgender people who are estranged from their family, or who hide their transgendered nature from them. I am indeed blessed, in having a family that values acceptance so highly.

I talked to my mum about this a short time ago, when we were discussing how parents could be helped to deal with transgender children. "You love your children," she said, "you may try to change them when they're growing up, but after a time, there's nothing you can do but accept the way they are. You may not always understand them, but you accept them."

I am grateful to be part of a family that values love so highly, and awed by Love's simple power.

Polare is published in Australia by The Gender Centre Inc. which is funded by the Department of Community Services under the S.A.A.P. Program and supported by the N.S.W. Health Department through the AIDS and Infectious Diseases Branch. Polare provides a forum for discussion and debate on gender issues. Advertisers are advised that all advertising is their responsibility under the Trade Practices Act. Unsolicited contributions are welcome, though no guarantee is made by the Editor that they will be published, nor any discussion entered into. The editor reserves the right to edit such contributions without notification. Any submission which appears in Polare may be published on our internet site. Opinions expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, The Gender Centre Inc.I, the Department of Community Services or the N.S.W. Department of Health.