A Male Point of View

I'm Transgendering & A Daughter's Perspective

" I'm Transgendering" - author unknown, "A Daughter's Perspective" - by Cherie

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I'm Transgendering

I'm transgendering from female to male and I'm okay thanks. Though if not, I've always got a counsellor's, psychiatrist's or at the very least a local doctor's trained ear (not to mention those of my peers) to bash.

Recently there has been much press about female to males, in fact, it could be said we're flavour of the month. I have been one of those female to male transgender people interviewed for articles and news stories which, for the most part, I have been pleased with what I've read and seen.

... it needs to be asked what our partners are going through emotionally.

What amazes me about the whole process I'm going through, is that no one (aside from a few polite and general questions asked) seems to care about the process which our significant others (partners in particular) are also undergoing.

For female to male transgender people, mood swings are often dramatic and inconceivable increases in libido, self-obsession to the point of talking incessantly about ourselves and a lack of self confidence are just a few of the many personal issues we confront daily.

Okay, so there are some things we don't have complete control over, but there are some we do. The most important being that we have made the decision to transgender. Here, we are in control of whether we continue or discontinue this process. Obviously, if we continue, we do so with the knowledge that we must become as much as possible in touch with and in control of our physical, emotional and spiritual state of mind and body.

In the event that we have an ongoing relationship, it needs to be asked what our partners are going through emotionally. Naturally, they can't control anything we're going through, though they have a certain degree of control over their own emotions and feelings. Invariably, they're with us because they love us and for this reason alone, tolerate our apparent "much-a-do's" about nothing.

So who cares about our partners and their needs? There are support groups, the Gender Centre and doctors available to us. The media are eager to do stories, to brandish our faces and lives across the screen or fill the papers of women's magazines, but does anyone really care about the emotional state or needs of these people, our partners.

This is not to say that the Gender Centre counsellors, psychiatrists and doctors are not available for them, but I find it questionable that there appears to have been little or no encouragement in the past to set up their own much needed support group.

No doubt, a successful society consists of many and varied people, preferably in possession of a stable and mental and emotional perspective. A greater consideration towards individuals indirectly involved in the transgendering process would create a healthier and holistic support network for the transgender person and importantly their often overlooked partners.

A Daughter's Perspective

I am a 17 year old female who is travelling through puberty, which is a confusing and difficult time in life. My parent at present, is transgendering from female to male. This in itself is an extraordinary step to take, My parent seems to be happy and content with this decision. I personally find it just as confusing and difficult, if not more so, than puberty. It is also something I have chosen to face alone.

It is a long and sad process that takes time to get through ...

For a person to have a mother figure for sixteen years and then all of a sudden receive a father figure in exchange, life becomes rather complex. When I was first informed of my parents decision of changing gender, I was devastated and shocked. I am sure you would be too!

It took a while to actually stomach what was really happening to the person I loved, cherished and called "mummy" since I could first talk. It was such a shock that when it finally hit me, I became violently ill and there was not a cure in the world to aid me in my recovery, not even "mummy".

With all of the emotions and feelings that I was inundated with at the time, I also became withdrawn from everyone and everything that surrounded me.

It is a long and sad process that takes time to get through. You seem to go through a grieving process, just like when someone dies. In a way they have not died, but are reborn as a new person. The person inside is still the same, but the exterior has changed. They still love you and care about you just as they did before. It is somewhat like plastic surgery and they feel good about the new person that has been constructed.

Sometimes it really gets to me, like on Mother's day, birthdays and Christmas. I reminisce over the "good old days" and how things were and I cry like Niagara Falls. It really hurts and it is so difficult to try and understand why. There are so many questions that swim around in my head which are unanswered or are simply incomprehensible to me.

I will always love my parent and learn in time that the exterior is not what really counts, but what is on the inside that is so important.

I try not to be judgemental over that new exterior and just accept the person inside. Although, it is hard and this acceptance takes time. Sometimes when I see my parent I can't seem to remember them as being any different, but I know deep down inside that they were different and my heart is crushed and so are all the fond memories from the past. Although, the fond memories of the past really never change.

No matter what happens, I know that in my heart my parent will always love me, and I will always love my parent. Male or female my parent will always be the best parent I could ever ask for. I would never trade my parent in for anything in the world, ever!

All you can do is adjust and adapt to overcome the bad spots. Life gets better as time goes on and so does the understanding.

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