Great Outings of History

Getting Sprung through the Ages

by Aidy Griffen

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Part of trany folklore and folk knowledge revolves around the phobia of being "sprung". It has happened to the worst of us and, though they are often loath to admit it, the best of us. Some trany's accept it philosophically, shrugging their shoulders and murmuring that it goes with the territory. For others it can be traumatic and soul destroying. But whatever your personal reaction, your problem probably won't be as severe as the following cases. In fact, the following cases may count as among the most drastic cases of being "sprung" in history.

Pope Joan with tiara as the Whore of Babylon.

The ninth century of European history produced the intriguing case of the person who has become widely known as Pope Joan. In the year of our lord, 855, Pope Leo IV, passed away and was succeeded by Pope John VIII. The new Pope is popularly referred to nowadays as Pope Joan, for it seems that "he" turned out to be a "she". In what must surely count as one of history's most startling exposures, it is said that the new Pope died during childbirth, apparently on the steps of the then St. Peters. It is said that her death, together with that of the offspring was witnessed by a large number of people, according to a report issued by one of her successors, Pope Julius III. Not only did they witness his / her death, it seems they actively participated in it - for poor Pope Joan was stoned to death.

Rumour has it that to this day, there is a special chair in the Vatican upon newly-elected Popes are required to sit. This chair is said to have a hole cut in the seat. The newly-elected Pope sits on the chair and displays his genitals through the hole, so that it can be independently confirmed that he is properly credentialed for the job. It is unclear whether this involves dropping his daks or lifting his drag. A psychoanalytic or even a symbolic analysis of this ritual would be, dare I suggest, rather revealing.

Was poor Pope Joan was hounded into his / her grave by genderphobes, it would be rash to assume that the harassment stopped there, or even that things have improved with time. Prejudice is not cured by the passing of time. For some, after a lifetime of successfully living in their chosen gender and of achievement in that gender, there was simply no escape from the hate-crazed psychos who police gender.

In 1989, the death of Billy Tipton, a well known jazz musician and bandleader was reported. Upon Billy's death, the funeral director discovered that Billy, married with three adopted children, was "in fact" female. One of Billy's sons, with admirable loyalty, commented "He'll always be Dad to me". Dick O'Neill, Billy's drummer for a ten year period, could remember instances of Billy's "masculinity" being questioned: "But I would almost fight anyone who said that, I never suspected a thing". Billy's ex-wife, who seems not to have been aware of Billy's real past, justified Billy thus: "there were certain rules and regulations in those days (i.e. rules of female exclusion) if you were going to be a musician". Poor Billy, he had successfully crossed the gender divide for a lifetime only to be sprung, posthumously, by an undertaker.

A similar fate awaited Sheila Walsh, a naturalised American who had formerly been a Polish runner and competitor at the 1932 Olympics, where she won a gold medal. In 1980, after a lifetime as living as female, she was caught in crossfire during an attempted bank robbery in the U.S. She died of gunshot wounds. Following the less than necessary intervention of the local undertaker, it was revealed that Sheila possessed male genitals. Suddenly, recollections of her "man-like" stride poured forth from people who had failed to notice or remark about it for the previous half century. In an act of regrettable pettiness, the International Olympic Committee demanded and received the return of her gold medal. What an ignominious fate! Gender fluid people will sympathize, while making a mental note never to trust an undertaker, no matter how cheap their rates. The relentless tyranny of assigned gender roles are only too familiar. Nowadays, it seems, even death is no escape.

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